posted
Any pearls of wisdom to add to this lot? I'm sure its not just plumbers and mechanics that have a list like this.
Plumbers/Mechanics Tool Dictionary...
HAMMER Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive breakable parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
STANLEY KNIFE Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in mudguards just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW One of a family of cutting tools built on the original sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that metric socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, “Ouc....”
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front mudguard.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4 Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease build-up.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT The mechanic’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it’s main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is Somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off.
PRY BAR A tool used to crumple 100 dollars worth of the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short.
-------------------- David Fisher D.A. & P.M. Fisher Services Brisbane Australia da_pmf@yahoo.com Trying out a new tag: "Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth Peter Ustinov Posts: 1450 | From: Brisbane Queensland Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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OLFA KNIFE An extremely sharp vinyl cutting instrument designed to catch the burrs on your straight edge and then ride up across the backs of your fingers.
-------------------- Steve Purcell Purcell Woodcarving & Signmaking Cape Cod, MA
************************** Intelligent Design Is No Accident Posts: 900 | From: Cape Cod, MA | Registered: Oct 1999
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Spring-action Center Punch This one looks like a ball point pen with a pointy end. The quick release tension spring in the housing creates an instant scratch across the face of newly painted bodywork near an area where you're about to drill.
Paint Can Opener Designed to let you know if the paint can is properly sealed. If you can get the tool under the lip of the can, its open, and if you can't, then its closed. The other end of the tool is designed to de-flange and round-off bottle caps while still on the bottle.
1-Sided Razor Blade Holder Tightly grips the "safe" edge of a single sided razor blade to protect it from damage. The sharp edge is protected from damage by sliding into the housing whenever force is applied. The housing can then be used to etch windows. The blade can be used to cut openings in trouser pockets. Blade can be removed by gripping the sharp edge between your fingers, sliding sideways while lubricating the mechanism with blood.
-------------------- :: Scooter Marriner :: :: Coyote Signs :: :: Oakland, CA :: :: still a beginner :: :: Posts: 1356 | From: Oakland (and San Francisco) | Registered: Mar 2001
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