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I helped my only "Child" 25 year old son Colin, move out into his own Place this past weekend, and I tell you it's killing me, more so than My Wife Judy, not that she's not upset about it, she can handle stress so much better than me.. but man is it ever pulling on my Heart Strings... we raised him in the same home his entire life, he turned out to be such a nice young man, we are so Proud of him... it all happened so fast, at least it seems to... he graduated university in May, he worked with us this past summer as the past 7 summers..then in October he got an offer at an Accounting firm as staff accountant, and he's going to get his professional designation as a Chartered Accountant with them in the next 30 months, then he buys his first new car and a week later, he moves out.... and here I am like a Basket case....It's not like he moved away, or even 2 hours away, he's just a few miles away... I must be missing something, because this past weekend killed me.. I know it will get Normal with time.. but Man, how did you people get through this? Sorry it's not sign related... I'm just a big Sook! lol
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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I know the feeling, On the day my oldest son got married I cried like a baby. I was a mess. And the nest ain't empty yet; I still have two more at home to go through it with.
-------------------- Wayne Webb Webb Signworks Chipley, FL 850.638.9329 wayne@webbsignworks.com Posts: 7403 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999
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Looking at it from the other perspective I, personally, could hardly wait for the time I left the "nest" and my younger brother felt the same!
-------------------- Dave Grundy retired in Chelem,Yucatan,Mexico/Hensall,Ontario,Canada 1-519-262-3651 Canada 011-52-1-999-102-2923 Mexico cell 1-226-785-8957 Canada/Mexico home
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Out kids moved out at about the same time we purposely downsized our crew from twenty-two to just a couple of part timers to help in the shop. My crew (mostly about the same age as our kids) were like family to us. Suddenly the house was empty and I was alone at work. It took a long (over a year) while to get used to.
This summer both our kids were around (along with a larger crew once more) as we built our new house. I was reminded of how the pace picks up in a hurry. Days were full of fun and I was interrupted constantly as they all needed direction. I found myself looking forward to the slower pace of the evenings and weekends once more.
When school went back we went back down to only one full timer and part time help once more. It took a couple weeks to go with the slower flow once more.
You'll get used to it soon and enjoy it too.
-grampa dan
-------------------- Dan Sawatzky Imagination Corporation Yarrow, British Columbia dan@imaginationcorporation.com http://www.imaginationcorporation.com
Being a grampa is one of the the most wonderful things in the world!!! Posts: 8738 | From: Yarrow, B.C. Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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We have 891 lbs of kids. I don't recall being all broken up about them leaving home, although I love them all dearly. I guess that's because they moved out gradually, going to university & college & living away. One son was in a co-op program in Waterloo & he ended up working in India for a while. He's getting closer to home ....... from India to Whitehorse & now Vancouver. After 24 years of the house full of kids & their friends, we were ready for the break. On average we see the girls every couple of weeks & the boys 3 to 5 times a year since they're farther away. I do understand how you feel though Neil.
-------------------- Rodger MacMunn T.R. MacMunn & Sons C.P.207, Sharbot Lake, ON 613-279-1230 trmac@frontenac.net Posts: 472 | From: Sharbot Lake, Ontario | Registered: Nov 2003
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The last time anything sorta similar happened to me was when my wife left. I was suddenly alone and in bad shape. What did the trick was a visit to the Yoga Institute here. Just a 1-hour introductory session worked wonders. I had never had any experience with Yoga and was amazed. It was the atmosphere of the place more than the exercise.
-------------------- dennis kiernan independent artist san francisco, calif, usa Posts: 907 | From: san francisco, ca usa | Registered: Feb 2010
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Maybe I shd have mentioned that the Yoga Institute is like an ashram -- big, quiet house all carpeted, incense, etc., etc. Not just some storefront called New Age Yoga Center.
-------------------- dennis kiernan independent artist san francisco, calif, usa Posts: 907 | From: san francisco, ca usa | Registered: Feb 2010
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-------------------- Dave Grundy retired in Chelem,Yucatan,Mexico/Hensall,Ontario,Canada 1-519-262-3651 Canada 011-52-1-999-102-2923 Mexico cell 1-226-785-8957 Canada/Mexico home
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Make fun of me now why don't you....lol No Pete, well beyond that age,,, then again, I was talking to someone today at Tims, and complimented him on how good his Grand child was.. he smiled and said believe it or not this is my baby,, he was about my age...Frig!
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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This is the first step to grandchildren - Rejoice!
-------------------- “Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?” -Winnie the Pooh & A.A. Milne
Kelly Thorson Kel-T-Grafix 801 Main St. Holdfast, SK S0G 2H0 ktg@sasktel.net Posts: 5496 | From: Penzance, Saskatchewan | Registered: May 2002
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My dad went thru the same thing when I moved out of the house- I moved to where I was going to college, and he insisted that I come home EVERY weekend to "help" him with some sort of odd job after another- if we didn't get the job finished, he would just say "oh, that's OK, we can finish it when you come back next weekend..." ; of course over time, those visits became further and further apart.
My son is a junior in HS, and we are starting to look at colleges- I can already tell it's going to be a bittersweet ride the next few years
-------------------- Michael Clanton Clanton Graphics/ Blackberry 19 Studio 1933 Blackberry Conway AR 72034 501-505-6794 clantongraphics@yahoo.com Posts: 1735 | From: Conway Arkansas | Registered: Oct 2001
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Best to you, Neil. I would suggest finding something that both you and your wife could enjoy together, perhaps a new hobby to delve into. It is common for couples to rearrange too much of their identity around child rearing, putting common interests that brought you together on the back burner.
-------------------- Bob Sauls Sauls Signs & Designs Tallahassee, Fl
"Today I'll meet nice people and draw for them!" Posts: 765 | From: Tallahassee, Fl | Registered: Jun 2009
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Neil, you did everything right. You raised a good kid who has a good education, a good job, a new car, and a new place to live that's close by. Consider the alternative that too many people are dealing with: "failure to launch". Be proud of his accomplishments and glad you don't have to support an unmotivated bum.....
-------------------- www.signcreations.net Sonny Franks Lilburn, GA 770-923-9933 Posts: 4115 | From: Lilburn, GA USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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I know how you feel Neil. My daughter got her first job out of college in Texas, a 22 hour drive from here. We rented a U-Haul to move her down. I was OK when she dropped us off at the airport, but I shed a few tears on the flight home thinking about her. The next year my son left for college. When he graduated with his masters, no jobs in his field so now he's teaching in South Korea and starting up his own music business.
Be thankful that he's close enough to visit whenever you want. I see my daughter and grand kids once a year and my son once every two years if I'm lucky.
-------------------- Dave Sherby "Sandman" SherWood Sign & Graphic Design Crystal Falls, MI 49920 906-875-6201 sherwoodsign@sbcglobal.net Posts: 5396 | From: Crystal Falls, MI USA | Registered: Apr 1999
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Neil, I can relate in a different way. My step-kids are on their own since forever ago. Grandkids scattered all over. But we are now accumulating great Grandkids. One here another due in January.Do not get to see all of the bunch as often as we would like but we are dealing with it OK.
But how I can relate is like this, my wife and I did foster care for 15 years til we had to quit due to my wife having some health problems. We quit about a year and a half ago after having taken care of 73 kids ( 2days old up to about 6 years old for the most part ) But now whenever I pass a school we took them to, or a clinic Etc. etc. I get a real hollow feeling knowing I'll not be going back into these places again.
The good news is that some ( not many ) come back for a visit from time to time. Or we go to visit them.
So hang in there Neil, the pain will ease up as time passes, but I know your pain is very real.
-------------------- Tom Rose 1938 Model Sign Dude T.Rose Signs Whitehall,PA Posts: 327 | From: Whitehall,PA,USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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that's a great story Tom- I commend you and your wife for fostering: I know from experience that it's the absolute toughest job in the world- we fostered/adopted 2 kids when they were 8 and 9 (now 10 and 12) we know some families whose kids walk out and they never see or hear from them again...
-------------------- Michael Clanton Clanton Graphics/ Blackberry 19 Studio 1933 Blackberry Conway AR 72034 501-505-6794 clantongraphics@yahoo.com Posts: 1735 | From: Conway Arkansas | Registered: Oct 2001
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Thanks for all the words of encouragement.... I really do know how lucky we are, in the fact that he's right here next to us, and he does love his mom and Dad, he just phoned a few minutes ago, had a nice talk and we are doing Lunch tomorrow... I feel bad for complaining as I know we have it Easy compared to some people... really easy, and Yes Micheal, Toms story is touching to say the least as are the rest... I am so Proud of him!
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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Although I loved Florida, there is no place like home.
I'm freezing up here as I love the heat, but the joy of being near my children is fantastic, two of mine live in town and the other is only 1.5 hours away in Chicago area. Of course with their busy lives it is tough to coordinate visits but this past weekend all three dropped everything for a last minute get together with my nephew Adam. He is in the special forces and just moved from Texas to Maryland. He wanted to see us since 1995 the last time he was here. There are cousins he didn't know and 2nd cousins, our children's children. It was so memorable as he and Jenny his wife asked to hear more about his mother, my sister who we lost in 1994 from breast cancer. She was a wonderful person, so giving to others, a sincere and intelligent sister. Everyone loved my sister but I had all of these cassette tapes from my father and her talking on the phone years ago. They still work and we are converting to disc. It is so good to arrange family gatherings even if we have to drop things and rearrange. There is nothing like seeing the family gather closely.
[ November 20, 2012, 01:05 AM: Message edited by: Deb Fowler ]
-------------------- Deb Fowler
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney (1901-1966) Posts: 5373 | From: Loves Park, Illinois | Registered: Aug 1999
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I remember the emptiness and tears when our son moved to the other side of the country and we'd see him at Christmas and summer vacation. Soon the reunions got shorter and fewer. Then our daughter moved out and there was this peace in the house that sometimes made their relocated lives worthwhile. I loved finding things where I left them and being able to watch what I wanted and chat with my lady without interruption.
The time came when Jake moved back to our community. He brought a sweetheart wife and son, and then another son. We'd gather at each others homes for dinner one or two times a week and always be there to help each other with projects, loan each other tools, and enjoy the relating. I see my grandsons almost daily. This is a payback for the years of sacrifice. They are a great delight!
Now,my son and family are getting ready to move again.....only a seventy hour drive from here. The loosing of contact with the grandsons feels far more major than the previous goodbyes.
It seems that all these events prepare us for the ones to come, and seem predestined in an order that grows us up and doesn't overwhelm us.
Enjoy it Neil, it's just a coat of primer!
-------------------- The SignShop Mendocino, California
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity. — Charles Mingus Posts: 6712 | From: Mendocino, CA. USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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I, 4th what Kelly said...Grand kids are like a second childhood for me...its just plan fun to watch how their imaginations can make anything out of nothing...And Pete, you slay me hahaha.
-------------------- Pat Welter Masterhand Signs and Designs Unity, Saskatchewan.Canada Posts: 1304 | From: Unity, Saskatchewan.Canada | Registered: May 1999
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Nice story rick. I feel bad for you, I really do...It must be so hard.....Yes it is only a coat of Primer... but hopefully Colin will be staying put on this Island Province of ours.... there is plenty of Opportunity here.. our economy is great and should be for years to come....Have to say the pain is just now starting to subside a little... I do miss him every time I come home.
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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Neil...it's really great to see what a close relationship you have with Colin...he sounds like just the greatest kid...the love and respect you guys have for each other will always be there...that is not going to change...now just think how Colin must be feeling right now...his self esteem must be soaring like an eagle...recent college degree...new job to support himself...new car...new place of his own away from mom and dad...wow...the more I think about how good Colin has it the better it sounds...maybe you could see if he needs a room mate to share the rent and I could come work for you...but seriously we all known you're just a big ole soft hearted kid yourself so I know this is tough for you...you guys are lucky to have each other.
posted
Thanks so much Rusty,,, that is appreciated, and you nailed it, He is feeling like a million dollars, he really is, and this girlfriend he's seeing for over a year now, has her act together as well as a full time Pharmacist...so a lot to be thankful for... and just a few minutes ago I recieved a text.."Hey Dad! Wanna go for Lunch tomorrow? Hmmm let me think about that for a sec...lol This was taken on his Birthday...his Mom and Him are Very close as well... really close! [/IMG]
[ November 22, 2012, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Neil D. Butler ]
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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Neil, you are indeed blessed! I see many families that are not close and can't wait to get out. I must get out of here, I'm starting to tear up, Peace, Don
-------------------- Donald Miner ABCO Wholesale Neon 1168 Red Hill Creek Dobson, NC Posts: 842 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2006
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My 23 year old son moved out about a month ago and as much as I miss him, your children moving out of home is the ultimate gift for being a parent!
-------------------- Bryan Lynch
Lynch & Son Master Signwriters Posts: 15 | From: Gold Coast Australia | Registered: Feb 2011
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