posted
The other day I was doing this guy's boat. Well I made a little turn and out came a little,,,,fartie. I just kinda made out like absouly nothing happened and kept on working. He didn't say anything,,,but he may have heard it. At the moment of the little noise, I went on about the vinyl I was using etc, just to change the subject and not give the guy's brain a chance to take in what had just happened.
-------------------- Signs by Alicia Jennings (Mudflap Girl) Tacoma, WA Since 1987 Have Lipstick, will travel. Posts: 3813 | From: Tacoma, WA. U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
The best place to fire away is walking the produce isle in the super market.
Ya know you did a great job when someone on the next isle over says,, "rolling Thunder"...
-------------------- Leaper of Tall buildings.. If you find my posts divisive or otherwise snarky please ignore them. If you do not know how then PM me about it and I will demonstrate. Posts: 5274 | From: Im a nowhere man | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
Two little old ladies are sitting in church. The first one turns to her friend & says "My butt is falling asleep". Her friend replies "I know, I heard it snoring."
-------------------- Chris Welker Wildfire Signs Indiana, Pa Posts: 4254 | From: Indiana, PA | Registered: Mar 2001
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Lot times I hear people fart, I say to them "what you say?" Other then that Alicia, it's one thing to fart and people laugh, it's worst when one farts and everyone leaves the room!
-------------------- aka:Cisco the "Traveling Millennium Sign Artist" http://www.franciscovargas.com Fresno, CA 93703 559 252-0935 "to live life, is to love life, a sign of no life, is a sign of no love"...Cisco 12'98 Posts: 3576 | From: Fresno, Ca, the great USA | Registered: Dec 1998
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'Creaky floorboards,' is my father-in-law's expression...
-------------------- "Stewey" on chat
"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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Over forty years ago, my brother, our friend “Ed” (name changed to protect the guilty), and I were sitting together at a meeting at the Kingdom Hall. As we three youngsters stood up for the closing prayer, “Ed”, who must have had industrial strength beans for dinner, cut a malodorous one loose that echoed off the walls of the Kingdom Hall, whereupon I commenced to laughing uncontrollably. I was so embarrassed to have disrupted the prayer by laughter that when the closing “Amen” was said, I blurted out: “I’m sorry”... and then everyone thought I had done it! “Ed” slinked away smiling, for he had out of that one smelling like a rose.
-------------------- David Harding A Sign of Excellence Carrollton, TX Posts: 5084 | From: Carrollton, TX, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Isn't that cute! "A little fartie" she says with her little finger extended in a lady like manner. LMAO..... too cute. Sometimes the vinyl makes that noise when you tear it off the surface!
-------------------- Bill'n'Annie Davidson Heathcote, NSW, Aus. my Aussie wife, a Toohey's Old, my Holden Ute, Retired from the rat race! Posts: 309 | From: Heathcote, NSW, Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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My first wife used to love to tell a story about this girl in school, who was a bit of a snob. One day she let a loud one go, and when everyone looked at her she exclaimed (It's OK my farts don't smell) They all figured she thought that just because her sh%# don't stink her farts don't smell.
posted
I'm sitting in church with my 10 yearold son sitting on the pew in front of me and my broinlaw's 90 yearold grandma is sitting on the pew behind me and about 6' to my right...see where this is going?
The place was all quiet, except for the preaching, when all the sudden grandma lets one rip....you HAD to be deaf not to have heard it from anywhere in the room. The second she does it, my son whips his head around and stares straight at me.
-------------------- Wayne Webb Webb Signworks Chipley, FL 850.638.9329 wayne@webbsignworks.com Posts: 7403 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999
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Women don't fart - They break wind. If you must then wait for the lift doors to close after having a mexican meal the night before. Whenever I hear someone do it I just ask them if they got much on them??
-------------------- Drane Signs Sunshine Coast Nambour, Qld. dranesigns@bigpond.com Downunder "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer" Posts: 965 | From: Nambour, Qld. Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Nettie, was your current avatar photo taken in that yoga class?
-------------------- "Stewey" on chat
"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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This reminds me of the first poem I memorized.
Here I sit broken hearted Had to sh#t and only farted Yet of this I have repented, because In days of old, when monks were bold, and Paper had not yet been invented You wiped your a$$ with broken glass, and Walked away contented.
posted
I was once told by a girl in the office. "That's why office women have Jergens lotion close at hand"! And they use it soooo often!
-------------------- Bill'n'Annie Davidson Heathcote, NSW, Aus. my Aussie wife, a Toohey's Old, my Holden Ute, Retired from the rat race! Posts: 309 | From: Heathcote, NSW, Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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quote:Originally posted by Mike Faig: To David Drane; Why, did a piece hit you?
Mike, when I am at golf the guys do it all the time, and some of them sound quite runny, so I just ask them if they got much on themselves.
-------------------- Drane Signs Sunshine Coast Nambour, Qld. dranesigns@bigpond.com Downunder "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer" Posts: 965 | From: Nambour, Qld. Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Women don't Fart or Burp, they bitch. If they don't bitch, they'd blow up.
-------------------- Bob Moroney The Sign Guy 310 Club Valley Drive Falmouth, MA 02536 508-259-6297 Posts: 216 | From: Falmouth, MA | Registered: Jul 2008
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Bob, I have found that people in other regions of the country aren't as negative as they are here in massabitchacusettes. So I am sure their women burp, and fart, more than bitch, and blow up!
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Bob, that ones goin on the golf course with me tomorrow!
-------------------- Bill'n'Annie Davidson Heathcote, NSW, Aus. my Aussie wife, a Toohey's Old, my Holden Ute, Retired from the rat race! Posts: 309 | From: Heathcote, NSW, Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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An old couple were sitting together in church, when the old woman rips off a good loud fart. She passed her husband a note asking, What do I do now? He wrote back, get new batteries for your hearing aid!
-------------------- Donald Miner ABCO Wholesale Neon 1168 Red Hill Creek Dobson, NC Posts: 842 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Apr 2006
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