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When times appear tough, it's often comforting to know that others have had it tougher - and have conquered their circumstances rather than allowing themselves to be beaten into submission by them.
My father-in-law (we'll call him FIL from here on out)is a great example of a man that beat the odds by refusing to allow himself to be defined by a childhood that wasn't of his making.
I write this because I think his story might be as inspiring to you as it has been to me - especially in these struggling economic days we're in:
My FIL is 76 years old. He's a retired skilled trades employee of General Motors Corporation. He's healthy and happily retired and lives around the corner from me in Potterville, Michigan. Here's a brief story of his life:
My FIL was one of six siblings; three boys and three girls.
When he was about 3 yrs old, his mother developed some mental issues, which were significant enough that she was admitted into and held in a mental institution. Back then, there weren't really drugs, nor therapies to treat these type conditions as I understand, so it was commonplace to institutionalize people with mental illness.
My FIL's father could not handle the stress, apparently, of taking care of 6 young children by himself...so he abandoned the kids.
My FIL's siblings were divided up among various relatives in different states. But my FIL and one of his brothers were sent to a foster home in Massachusetts.
So, at 3 yrs old, he and his younger brother were taken to a strange place - a farm - and left along with 8 other foster boys already at the farm.
The foster couple, a farmer and his wife, were paid by the state to raise these 10 boys.
They were both alcoholics, as well as sadistic people.
The farmer had a cane, which accompanied him everywhere as he had a bum leg. He used it often to beat the boys across their backs and cracked them over their skulls for most minor of infractions.
The farmers wife was no better. She wailed on the boys seemingly for fun. My FIL told of a time where he questioned something she said and she responded by striking him with a backhand blow across the face, bloodying his nose.
Another incident had the Farmer whipping my FIL with a cat-of-nine-tails ( a short whip consisting of several strips of leather intended for inflicting pain). As the farmer threw back his arm for another strike, the leather strips wrapped around the lighting fixture in the room, and when he tried to come back down with the whip to strike him again, he pulled the lighting fixture right out of the ceiling - that illustrates the force in which the beatings were delivered.
Beatings and abuse were fairly frequent.
The boys were lined up nightly on their knees by the farmers wife to say "prayers" before they went to bed.... totally naked. She never touched them, but apparently got some gratification out of leering at 10 naked boys.
Then there was the boys themselves. My FIL's younger brother was a passive personality. With the boys on the farm, it was often every man for himself...and there was a pecking order, and some degree of bullying. Some of the older boys would pick on my FIL's younger brother and beat him up... so my FIL learned young how to fight. He fought hard and he fought well - protecting his brother.
The boys on the farm all went to a local school and the other kids would often make fun of the clothes he wore... which consisted of 1 pair of trousers, a rope for a belt, 1 pair of socks, underwear and a shirt. The socks and underwear were washed once a week whether they needed them or not. He was often teased about being 'poor' and not having a mother or father. He responded to this mental abuse with bare knuckles.
Yet, with all the fighting, physical and mental abuse he endured - he was generally a happy-go-lucky kid. I've seen several old photos...he always had the same clothes on along with a perpetual smile on his face. I believe he was fortunate in that he was hard-wired from birth with a hopeful personality and perhaps a glass-half-full mindset.
Regardless of his generally happy attitude, his childhood was indeed horrible at times, and he was determined to stick up for himself and his brother at all costs.
His father finally divorced his mother and remarried. He would visit my FIL roughly twice a year, his birthday being one of those occasions. He said his father would pull up to the farm in a new car, wearing new clothes with his new wife. He would spend about an hour with him, give him a small box of candy... and then turn around and leave him and his brother. His father never took any of the kids back.
So, he would watch his father pull away and wonder why he didn't take him with him.
My FIL would tell the principle at school about the beatings at the farm, as he told the state Foster Care case worker. Nobody would investigate, nobody cared, so he was stuck.
One day, while in town, he was struck by a truck and paralyzed. He recovered from that and regained full use of his body.
He finally turned 17 and left the farm to join the navy. Anything to get away from the farm. His brother was older and he wasn't worried about his brother as his other brother (not on the farm) had married and was going to take his younger brother in.
The farmer's wife told him that he had to sign his Navy paychecks over to them and send them - that it was the law. Being naive, he believed this and sent several thousand dollars back to the farmer and his wife.
Somehow, his commanding officer found out about this...and told him that the money he earned was his own - and he was not to send any more money - - the Navy owned him now they said.
On leave, he went back to the farm and confronted the farmer's wife. He demanded his money back...she said she didn't have it - it was spent. He told her if he ever heard of her beating any of the other kids, or new kids he would personally come back and beat them both.
My FIL got into many fights in the navy while on leave and participated in boxing matches on ship...he had developed a bit of a chip on his shoulder from his childhood. He threw a man through the plate glass window of a bar in a brawl once and was tossed in jail.
His CO told him that if he didn't get the chip off his shoulder, "He wasn't long in this man's Navy." He considered that, and decided it was time to put his childhood behind him.
Eventually honorably discharged from the Navy, he met a girl (my mother-in-law) and married, had two kids, and after several low paying part time jobs, landed his job at Oldsmobile in Lansing, MI. He worked for GM till he was retired.
He never beat his kids, and didn't yell at them - - he promised himself that when he was young. He worked hard and was a loyal employee. He confronted many GM workers who weren't pulling their weight because it always bothered him to hear people talking about "lazy GM workers being over-paid." He even got an award for not missing one day of work 10 years straight.
You've NEVER seen a person that was such a perfectionist. Everything he owns, including his yard, home, etc is immaculately maintained. If he sees a single leaf in his lawn, he will hurry over and pick it up. He says, "When I was growing up I had nothing, and I told myself as a kid that when I grew up...if I was lucky enough to own anything, I will take care of it as best I can." And he does to this day.
He puts me to shame, I'll tell you. And at 76 he still goes to the spa and works out 3 days a week as he has always done.
He has a great attitude and wouldn't hurt a fly unless provoked.
Oh,... whatever happened to the other kids on the farm you may wonder? Six out of the ten ended up in prison for various offenses: drugs, murder, armed bank robbery, etc. One boy committed suicide as an adult. Another boy, a friend of his on the farm started his own engineering company in Massachusetts and is a millionaire...and another boy did well and raised a family.
My FIL's brother, now deceased... told him a few years before he died that he was sexually abused by one of the other boys on the farm.
So.. this long winded story recounts how people perceive their situation, how they respond to it, and the outcomes that develop as a result of those responses.
I urge you to rent and watch a movie called Antoine Fisher...it's a true story that is eerily similar to my father-in-laws.
We all fail to live up to our goals at times. I know I fail frequently...say the wrong thing without thinking (I know this shocks you - I think yesterday was a bad day for me) Failure in life, love, work may happen to anyone....but don't let it define you. You are uniquely made and loved by God if by no one else. Push on and overcome. Be determined and be the victor. Triumph over adversity.
posted
I have a personal friend that experienced life like you described. He's a little rough around the edges but it never ceases to amaze me how well adjusted and giving he is. Just a great guy. I avoid using the term 'Hard times' describing anything in my life, I know better. Thanks Todd. And if you think he'd accept it, thank him for us. Knowing of people like him helps the rest of us walk a little taller.
-------------------- John Byrd Ball Ground, Georgia 770-735-6874 http://johnbyrddesign.com so happy I gotta sit on both my hands to keep from wavin' at everybody! Posts: 741 | From: Ball Ground, Georgia, USA | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Wow what a great story Todd. That is truly inspiring.
-------------------- Ricky Jackson Signs Now 614 Russell Parkway Warner Robins, GA (478) 923-7722 signpimp50@hotmail.com
"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." Sir Issac Newton Posts: 3528 | From: Warner Robins, GA | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Thanks guys... I know it was lllloooong.... but I thought it might be worth telling.
Neil - there's of course more he could tell, and funny you mention it because he often says he could right a book about his childhood or make a movie. I think it might make for a good one.
-------------------- Todd Gill Outside The Lines Potterville, MI Posts: 7792 | From: Potterville, MI | Registered: Dec 2001
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Let me add to the others who thanked you for the sharing this story. It is indeed inspiring, AND you told it very well.
Now I'm going to sit in the corner and count my blessings.
-------------------- Brian Oliver Paxton Signs Fort Collins, CO paxton@peakpeak.com www.paxtonsignsofcolorado.com Posts: 237 | From: ft. collins, colorado,usa | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
Thanks, Todd- it also shows what I've always told any kids with a 'poor me' attitude, that you alone can control your own attitude and drive - and stop blaming others for it.
Good story. As they also say, it's the heat & pressure that makes the diamond from the coal.
-------------------- "Stewey" on chat
"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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I was about half way through the story when my cell went off and totally lost the whole point of it!
Suriously Todd, He sounds like a Great Man and I could picture his home and lifestyle perfectly. Thanks for sharing it.
There are a lot of great men and women out there that do not get the recognition or respect they truly have earned.
-------------------- Sam Staffan Mackinaw Art & Sign 721 S. Nokomis St. Mackinaw City, MI dstaffan@sbcglobal.net Posts: 1694 | From: Mackinaw City, MI | Registered: Mar 2004
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I've known a number of people who like your father-in-law had a brutal childhood. One such person, Michelle was in my employ last year. Instead of the bitter person she could rightfully have become, she instead decided to not let her childhood define who she was. She is a loving mother, and wonderful friend to all she knows.
To your FIL's life, and Michelle's and others who had a tough childhood through no fault of their own I congratulate them on rising above it.
We all face seemingly tough breaks daily, wrongs by others and often life does not seem fair. We can let these things define us and ultimately destroy us, or we can purposely choose to think positive thoughts and choose the direction our lives will go. Your story and the story of others we all know proves it to be so.
-grampa dan
-------------------- Dan Sawatzky Imagination Corporation Yarrow, British Columbia dan@imaginationcorporation.com http://www.imaginationcorporation.com
Being a grampa is one of the the most wonderful things in the world!!! Posts: 8738 | From: Yarrow, B.C. Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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We all need to read stories like this to let us know that no matter how bad things may seem, someone always is much worse off than we are. Bill
-------------------- Bill Riedel Riedel Sign Co., Inc. 15 Warren Street Little Ferry, N.J. 07643 billsr@riedelsignco.com Posts: 2953 | From: Little Ferry, New Jersey, USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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- I think yesterday was a bad day for me) Failure in life, love, work may happen to anyone....but don't let it define you. You are uniquely made and loved by God if by no one else. Push on and overcome. Be determined and be the victor. Triumph over adversity.
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