posted
This was forwarded to me from a friend. I have a 5 year old son and can see him doing quite a few of these.
RAISING BOYS...AND, TURNING HAIR WHITE
RAISING BOYS
a) For those who have grown children - this is hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Waterloo, NY: Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat , you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Waterloo, NY has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
-------------------- Jerry VanHorn, Pres. Pure Sports Designs, LLC Pro Sign Design / United Wholesale Signs www.prosigndesign.comwww.unitedwholesalesigns.com West Liberty, OH 937-465-0595 866-942-3990 Since 1990 Posts: 925 | From: West :Liberty, OH | Registered: May 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Jerry VanHorn: 25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
And the really funny thing is when I read that, I thought to myself, "Is this true?...HMMM, I know where I keep the brake fluid in the garage, I wonder if there is any clorox in the laundry room?"
-------------------- Mark Kottwitz Kottwitz Graphics Ridgely, MD www.SeeMySignWork.com -------------------------- Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein Posts: 746 | From: Ridgely, MD | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
Running out the door right now to go buy Clorox and brake fluid. I will keep you posted...
No, he won't!!!*
*Editted by Dana
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
Some girls run a pretty close second. Here is my take from just one of my daughters.
1. Backs of toilets break when looking for the Tidy Bowl guy.
2. There is a waterfall in the basement when the back of the toilet breaks off upstairs.
3. Its along dark, walk in the middle of the night when you have to go the bathroom in the basement because the toilet upstairs is STILL broke.
4. Dad's shaving cream belongs on the bathroom sink still in the can...not filling the toilet bowl up.
5. Mom's mink oil is for her boots not greasing the toilet seat.
6. Dishwasher soap is used in the dishwasher, not DISHWASHING soap.
7. Dishwashing soap in the dishwasher can fill up a kitchen real fast.
8. Cats don't swim well in above ground swimming pools. In fact they sink or float on the surface after a few minutes.
9. Parakeets can't move on the ground fast enough to get their whole body thru a closing door.
10. Ground coffee in a cup of water does not make good coffee made in the microwave.
11. A new can of Crisco and pre-sweetened Kool-Aide mixed make a good artist media for spreading on mom's new cupboards and kitchen carpet...at 3:00 a.m.
12. Mom's watch is not for taking apart and fixing...expecially when it wasn't broke.
13. Quietly moving everything aside in the bottom cupboard, crawling in, and then watching mom's go frantic for 30 minutes looking for you, is not acceptable.
14. A pocket full of red crayons in a wash cycle leaves dad's underwear with red streaks.
15. Red crayons in the dryer leave the dryer with red spreaks.
16. Sheets are not made for tying together, swinging out your window onto the upper level roof and then quietly watching while mom and dad go frantic looking for you.
17. Sitting quietly on the peak, over the end, of a 26' high barn roof will cause mom run around the yard a lot...looking in all directions...except.
18. Mom will not believe you when you tell her that you didn't gouge her antique Piano desk.
19. Your sister did not gouge YOUR name in the piano desk.
[ May 30, 2006, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: Laura Butler ]
-------------------- Laura Butler Vision Graphics & Sign 4479 Welch Rd Attica, Mi 48412 Posts: 2855 | From: Attica, Mi, USA | Registered: Nov 2000
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The stupid grin on a weeble's face looking up at you, as it's lying in a supine position in the drain hole, and knowing it was your 2 year-old who did it, is so hilarious that it will make you forget your displeasure of having to completely remove the toilet.
-------------------- Wayne Webb Webb Signworks Chipley, FL 850.638.9329 wayne@webbsignworks.com Posts: 7403 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999
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posted
And here's a few from our family: 1) Yes the toilet plunger will take up the old style tiles from the kitchen floor 2) winning the game of who can get the most floor tiles up is not as satisfying as one would think 3) If you start Mom's dress on fire in the closet because you just don't like it- that is not all in the closet that will burn- sometimes the whole top of the house will come off 4) if you tease your grandfather from a distance because he has a cane and can't get to you fast enough- there are 2 ends to that cane and one has an incredible capacity to hook arms, legs or whatever appendage is closest 5) chasing the barn cats with implements will get your Mother chasing you (and possibly with her own implements) 6) beebee guns should be checked for ammunition before you check the "air pressure" on your own hand, as when they go in there is no blood-just a red mark 7) if you should decide after shooting yourself in the hand to then check for ammo- don't shoot Gramma's new thermometer off the wall 8) beebees show up on Xrays really well
-------------------- Deri Russell Wildwood Signs Hanover, Ontario
You're just jealous 'cause the little voices only talk to me. Posts: 1904 | From: Hanover, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 1998
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Nope.. Powdered HTH pool chlorine and Brake Fluid is the fun stuff... DANGER, it will self ignite.. NEver keep your bucket of HTH pool chlorine under the brake fluid shelf in the garage. And dotn ask me how I found out...
NEver
-------------------- Leaper of Tall buildings.. If you find my posts divisive or otherwise snarky please ignore them. If you do not know how then PM me about it and I will demonstrate. Posts: 5273 | From: Im a nowhere man | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nope.. Powdered HTH pool chlorine and Brake Fluid is the fun stuff... DANGER, it will self ignite.. NEver keep your bucket of HTH pool chlorine under the brake fluid shelf in the garage. And dotn ask me how I found out...
NEver
Serves ya right for not using a salt system to keep the pool happy.
-------------------- "If I share all my wisdom I won't have any left for myself."
Mike Pipes stickerpimp.com Lake Havasu, AZ mike@stickerpimp.com Posts: 8746 | From: Lake Havasu, AZ USA | Registered: Jun 2000
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Fill pie plate with powdered chlorine, fill styrofoam cup full of brake fluid and put it in the pie tin and float it out into the lake.
It took about five minutes for the brake fluid to eat through the cup, hit the chlorine, and make one dang impressive fire. Just long enough for a bunch of juvenile delinquents to run all the way back to where the "adult supervision" was so we, errrr, they could not be blamed.
-------------------- Pat Whatley Montgomery, AL (334) 262-7446 office (334) 324-8465 cell Posts: 1306 | From: Wetumpka, AL USA | Registered: Mar 2001
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reminds me of the time my weird brother in law pulled a stunt - they had been to the Mid -South Fair & had a bunch of helium balloons - this was back in the mid 70's when my parents had a cabin on the lake - dude took 3 or 4 balloons & tied em together, attached an Easter basket below, set 3 or 4 candles inside the easter basket & lit em - he released that contraption off the end of our dock over the lake - - - -I remember watching him launch it & it made my Dad mad as Hell - -he said that damn fool is gonna start a fire - - sure enuff, it landed on the other shore 'bout half a mile downstream & started a fire - it scorched about 3 or 4 acres before the volunteer F.D. got ahold of it . . . I have to admit is was cool watching it take off over the lake - it was right at dark - we watched it till ascend to bout 400' - it was oughtta sight -
-------------------- Carl Wood Olive Branch, Ms Posts: 1392 | From: Olive Branch,MS USA | Registered: Nov 1999
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I remember my girlfriend and I each had three boys and we used to cry when we would go shopping, walking through Sears, wanting to buy frilly little girl things. But having LIVED thru three boys and having five girls live next door at the neighbors, I'll take boys ANYDAY! Girls would be even MORE "high maintenance", I think!
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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Jane - 3 gurls here - oldest is 14 she has suddenly taken a serious interest in cooking - she prepared a fantastic dinner last night - (she had given me a shopping list of ingredients she needed yesterday morning)) Stuffed Pork Loin chops; Baked Sweet Potatoes w/ real butter & brown sugar; Pinto Beans; Pickled Green Tomatos; Hot Rolls; Sweet Iced Tea; Brownies for Dessert. . . Couldn't have bought a better meal -
-------------------- Carl Wood Olive Branch, Ms Posts: 1392 | From: Olive Branch,MS USA | Registered: Nov 1999
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