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As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Commission.
Sec 370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes.
Sec 370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.
Sec 370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies and vermin.
Sec 370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.
Sec 370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
Sec 370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.
Sec 370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.
Sec 370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on Saturday and Sunday.
Sec 370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess the same. Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.
Sec 370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can normally be identified because they do not wear Rolex watches, drive a Porsche, BMW or other expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and $1500 suits. Nor do their wives or kids.
[ March 06, 2006, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: Si Allen ]
-------------------- Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
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"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
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Brushasaurus on Chat Posts: 8831 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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U.S. Currency as Bait - that's priceless!! We just got a $1700 bill from an attorney handling a simple matter - he had quoted "roughly $1200" when we hired him 2 months ago - I KNOW I'm in the wrong profession. . . . . .
-------------------- Carl Wood Olive Branch, Ms Posts: 1392 | From: Olive Branch,MS USA | Registered: Nov 1999
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So funny Si that I have to pass this one on. Carl, I had an attorney quote me $500 and bill me $1200. I continiusly reminded im of this and after I paid him $100 a month for 9 months, he stopped billing me.
-------------------- Laura Butler Vision Graphics & Sign 4479 Welch Rd Attica, Mi 48412 Posts: 2855 | From: Attica, Mi, USA | Registered: Nov 2000
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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." > "Bring them along" the lawyer insisted. Turning to the other poor man he beckoned, "You come with us also, and bring your family too". They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
-------------------- Jackson Smart Jackson's Signs Port Angeles, WA ...."The Straits of Juan De Fuca in my front yard and Olympic National Park in my backyard...
"Living on Earth is expensive...but it does include a free trip around the Sun" Posts: 1000 | From: Port Angeles, Washington | Registered: Jan 1999
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Washington, D.C. – A White House source stated that Congress is considering awarding Vice President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the national highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney. The source was quoted to say, “All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another, and Cheney actually had the courage to do it.”
In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department (TPWD), which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters wishing to bag a lawyer to have the new “lawyer’s stamp” on their hunting license. Currently, Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new “lawyers stamp” will cost $100, but open season will be all year long.
The department further stated that although the “lawyers stamp” comes at a hefty price, sales have been brisk, and it is believed it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting license stamps.
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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An early relative of mine was Vice President AAron Burr.When he shot someone, he did it on purpose.....If you remember, Alexander Hamilton, in a duel.
-------------------- Rove Gratz Gratz Signs 342 Walden Station Drive Macon, GA 31216 rovegratz@aol.com Home Page: http://rove-342.tripod.com Posts: 861 | From: Macon, GA 31216 | Registered: Jan 2004
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