Warning to readers: The post below contains no complaining about the price of gas, lead or paint. There's nothing about Obama or his birth certificate. But, if you have ever tried to explain how men & women think differently, I think you'll find it interesting.
Every once is a while things cause me to wonder what makes the world (and people) tick the way it does. And women often are baffled at the way men think as they do about cars (obligatory Benz content). It struck me that there are some fundamentals that require understanding, many of which never get articulated because there is no easy way. Heard a story recently that seemed to capture it, and here’s my stab at recreating it, based on an analogy. Please ignore the fact that it stereotypes women, because it’s not too stereotype-friendly to men either for that matter. Many situations involve relationships where a grand total of only two people are involved, yet..... well, for your consideration, I submit the following regarding how complicated things can become.
Let's say a guy named Donald is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later, he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: "Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of". And Donald is thinking: "Gosh. Six months." And Elaine is thinking: "But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward where... (I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Towards children? Towards a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?")
And Donald is thinking: "So that means it was --let's see -- February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means -- lemme check the odometer -- Whoa!!! I am way overdue for an oil change here." He gets a worried look on his face.
And Elaine is thinking: "He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it, he’s a very sensitive person. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected."
And Donald is thinking: "And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600."
And Elaine is thinking: "He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel! I'm just not sure."
And Donald is thinking: "They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, those rats."
And Elaine is thinking: "maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight, my prince charming, to come riding up on his white horse, at exactly the same time as when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good man, a man I respect and enjoy being with, a man I truly do care about, a man who seems to truly care about me. A man who now is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy."
And Donald is thinking: "Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. In fact I'll tell them exactly what I think of their warranty. In fact I'll tell them...".
"Donald!" Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Donald, startled.
"Honey, please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have-- oh, I -- I feel so" (She breaks down sobbing.)
"So ‘What’?" says Donald.
"I mean I, I feel so, so, stupid," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight."
"No night?" says Donald?
"Yes, I really know that. I know it sounds silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Donald.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Donald, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that-- It's that I -- I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Donald, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"OK" he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Donald, I've never known anyone who understood a woman's feelings the way you do -- do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Donald.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Donald. "Sure, yeah."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Donald," she says softly.
"You’re welcome" says Donald.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps all night, watching the sun rise through her curtains, whereas when Donald gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, pops open a beer, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a hockey match between two Czech teams he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Donald's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest four friends, or perhaps ten or twelve, and they will collectively stop whatever they are doing and talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for subtle nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either; the solution is their quest.
Meanwhile, Donald, while playing racquetball with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
Did I miss anything?
-------------------- Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
si.allen on Skype
siallen@dslextreme.com
"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
Never mess with your profile while in a drunken stupor!!!
Brushasaurus on Chat Posts: 8827 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
| IP: Logged |
-------------------- Dana Blair Blair Signs Wooster, OH www.blairsigns.com
If sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their picket signs? Posts: 835 | From: Wooster, OH, USA | Registered: Jul 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
But I might ask you the price of engine oil & whether or not there are any lead-additives in it these days!
Good one, Si- reminds me a bit of that Old Spice advert..."I'm on a horse" too.
-------------------- "Stewey" on chat
"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Si, After sharing this with my lovely bride of 43 years her response was "You guys just don't get it do you?"
-------------------- Bob Moroney The Sign Guy 310 Club Valley Drive Falmouth, MA 02536 508-259-6297 Posts: 216 | From: Falmouth, MA | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Bob Moroney: Si, After sharing this with my lovely bride of 43 years her response was "You guys just don't get it do you?"
Of course not...We're men.
-------------------- Mark Kottwitz Kottwitz Graphics Ridgely, MD www.SeeMySignWork.com -------------------------- Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein Posts: 746 | From: Ridgely, MD | Registered: Oct 2000
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic