-------------------- Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain ! Jim Moser Design 13342 C Grass Valley Ave. Grass Valley, Ca. 95945 530-273-7615 jwmoser@att.net Posts: 488 | From: Grass Valley, Ca. | Registered: May 2006
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American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers
December 1, 2008
FORT WORTH, TXCash-strapped American Airlines announced a new series of fees this week that will apply to all customers not currently flying, scheduled to fly, or even thinking about flying aboard the commercial carrier.
The fees, the latest introduced by American Airlines in a continuing effort to combat its financial woes, will take effect on Monday. According to company officials, these charges will include a $25 tax on citizens traveling with any other airline, as well as a mandatory $30 surcharge for passengers who decide to just stay home for the holidays instead.
"Tough times unfortunately mean tough measures," American Airlines president Gerard Arpey said. "It's never an easy decision to ask our loyal customers, as well as thousands of people chosen at random out of a telephone book, to pay a little extra, but that's just the reality of today's economic climate. We hope all Americans will understand this when receiving one of our new bills in the mail."
Arpey said that non-passengers of American Airlines should expect to pay a small fee when making Greyhound bus reservations, choosing to drive to their final destination, or simply being a citizen of the United States with a valid Social Security number.
Arpey went on to note that some additional charges would also apply, including a $15 fee for every piece of luggage customers have inside their bedroom closet, and a one-time payment of $40 for any American whose name is Greg.
"We are confident that these new measures will not discourage customers from flying with American Airlines," vice president Margaret Wilkinson said. "However, we'd like to remind our customers that there is a 'discouraged-from-flying-with-American-Airlines' charge if they do in fact choose not to fly with us."
American Airlines, which posted a $1.45 billion loss in the second quarter of 2008 alone, claimed that the new feesincluding the Taking A Shower Fee, the Knowing What An Airplane Looks Like Fee, and the Eating E. L. Fudge Cookies While Watching A Rerun Of House Feewill help the company rebound. According to internal projections, the airline will recoup $500 million in the next three months alone, with nearly 80 percent of that revenue coming from citizens asleep at home.
"Watching television last night cost me $250," said Baltimore resident Michael Peterson, one of many Americans now forced to pay high airline costs for folding their laundry and going to the ophthalmologist. "It's ridiculous, but what can you do? I guess that's just the price of not flying these days."
"American Airlines charged me for cleaning out my attic," said 74-year-old Samantha Pratt, a New Jersey resident who has not left the state since 2005. "Sure, I didn't have to wait in any long lines, or go through invasive security searches, and I got to clean out my attic, which is something I've been wanting to do for weeks, but come on now."
In response to American's move, other airlines have begun offering more competitive rates. United this week unveiled a new $99 "spend the weekend quietly reading indoors" offer, while Southwest is introducing a $125 round-trip fare for those walking to their corner store for some groceries.
JetBlue, a commercial carrier known for its thrifty rates, has come out ahead of the pack, however, and is being lauded for its decision not to charge non-passengers not to fly.
Despite reduced offers such as these, many remain concerned over the new fees. Some have even expressed doubt about whether they'll be able to afford to see family members they currently live with during Christmas.
"It's just not worth it anymore," said Caroline Huza, an Ohio native and mother of two. "Plus, every time I stay at home, I always get trapped next to some kid who won't stop crying."
(c) Copyright 2008, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity. — Charles Mingus Posts: 6712 | From: Mendocino, CA. USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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My day has already been stimulating enough, thank you.
-------------------- "A wise man concerns himself with the truth, not with what people believe." - Aristotle
Cam Bortz Finest Kind Signs Pondside Iron works 256 S. Broad St. Pawcatuck, Ct. 06379 "Award winning Signs since 1988" Posts: 3051 | From: Pawcatuck,Connecticut USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Bruce...we tried cashing this "BOGUS BUTLER BILL" that you sent us and guess what...IT WORKED...however our accounts receivables says "That's it...no more Bogus Bills no matter whose face appears on them...period!"
-------------------- david butler butler signs syracuse,indiana david@davidbutler.com Posts: 188 | From: syracuse,indiana,usa | Registered: Feb 1999
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we don't have $25 bills up here, can't even send 25 dollar bills cuz we don't have dollar bills either, just lots of bills, besides thats about 35 bucks canuck, is it still worth it?
-------------------- Pete Payne Willowlake Design/Canadian Signcrafters Bayfield, ON
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Well Pete, if I was extremely good....Habs tickets, if I was OK good, Sens tickets and if I was a bad boy like Harper...... Leaf seasons tickets !
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now rene, don't get all political on here, that's really bad, seasons tickets to parliament and make you translate dion and duceppe so the rest of us can understand them too
-------------------- Pete Payne Willowlake Design/Canadian Signcrafters Bayfield, ON
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I printed up a $25 dollar bill too. I took it into a small store thinking I might slip one past them. I asked for change and guess what... they took it too! Gave me back three $7's and a $4.
-------------------- Dave Sherby "Sandman" SherWood Sign & Graphic Design Crystal Falls, MI 49920 906-875-6201 sherwoodsign@sbcglobal.net Posts: 5396 | From: Crystal Falls, MI USA | Registered: Apr 1999
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"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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CHAPMAN, MIKEY, AND CAM....ALL STIMULATED...oh the horror of that picture)))))))))))))))
[ December 13, 2008, 05:19 PM: Message edited by: old paint ]
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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oh, I just saw Bruce's grab-bag post... well, I hope that means my email did get through & I'm just further away for mail deliveries... woo hoo!!
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OK... looks like my email fell through the cracks , but David has created a wonderful way to retroactively include me in the fun, and the mystery of his grab bag offer!
Check out his offer & Cast Your Vote to influence my destiny!
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Bash]](graemlins/bash.gif)
![[Rolling On The Floor]](graemlins/rolf.gif)
![[Applause]](graemlins/applause.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
, but David has created a wonderful way to retroactively include me in the fun, and the mystery of his grab bag offer! ![[Thanks]](graemlins/thanks.gif)
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