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» The Letterville BullBoard » Letterhead/Pinstriper Talk » OT - SENIOR BANKING!

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Author Topic: OT - SENIOR BANKING!
Jon Butterworth
Deceased


Member # 227

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After a recent run-in with my own bank this e-mail from a friend was to the point.

thought I would share with the rest of you !


86 year old lady's letter to the bank

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman


Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my
plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the
check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it..

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement
which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for
debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink
my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I
try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an
employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open
such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as
your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a
Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts,
assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number
of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.


#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact
mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for
the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to
cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don't make old People mad.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.

[Bash]

--------------------
Bushie^
aka Jon Butterworth

Executive Director
HARDLY NORMAL
SIGN COMPANY

http://www.icr.com.au/~jonsigns

Posts: 4014 | From: Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Nov 1998  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jackson Smart
Visitor
Member # 187

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Classic........fer sure.

--------------------
Jackson Smart
Jackson's Signs
Port Angeles, WA
...."The Straits of Juan De Fuca in my front yard and Olympic National Park in my backyard...

"Living on Earth is expensive...but it does include a free trip around the Sun"

Posts: 1000 | From: Port Angeles, Washington | Registered: Jan 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bill riedel
Resident


Member # 607

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Perfect.
Bill

--------------------
Bill Riedel
Riedel Sign Co., Inc.
15 Warren Street
Little Ferry, N.J. 07643
billsr@riedelsignco.com

Posts: 2953 | From: Little Ferry, New Jersey, USA | Registered: Feb 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dale Feicke
Resident


Member # 767

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That's a real good one Jon! I've personally felt that way for a long time.

You know the pictures we used to see, of the skinny little older guy, with one of those clear green visor-things on, sitting in a dimly lit room somewhere, counting money?

Well, I use to envision banks having someone like that, in a little catacomb somewhere, looking over printouts of peoples' bank accounts. His job is to shuffle things; to make a check for $200 go thru an account, when there was only $159 in there....or bounce a check for someone's house payment, within an hour of when their paycheck was deposited.

The really scary thing is, they now have computers to do those things, if they choose, and it could happen. Only now, it would happen faster and on a larger scale.

--------------------
Dale Feicke Grafix
714 East St.
Mendenhall, MS 39114

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

Posts: 2963 | From: Mendenhall, MS | Registered: Apr 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jon Butterworth
Deceased


Member # 227

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Foot note.

She actually got her overdue money back and the bank manager had the letter published in the New York Times, !!!!

There is some humanity left in this world.

--------------------
Bushie^
aka Jon Butterworth

Executive Director
HARDLY NORMAL
SIGN COMPANY

http://www.icr.com.au/~jonsigns

Posts: 4014 | From: Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Nov 1998  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jack wills
Resident


Member # 521

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I'm saving this one...Thanks John!

--------------------
Jack Wills
Studio Design Works
1465 E.Hidalgo Circle
Nye Beach / Newport, OR

Posts: 2914 | From: Rocklin, CA. USA | Registered: Dec 1998  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Len Mort
Resident


Member # 7030

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Great post, Bushy!

--------------------
Len Mort
Signmaker1.com
11 Juniper Drive
Millbury, MA
508-865-2382
"A Good Business Sign, is A Sign of Good Business"(1957)

Posts: 811 | From: Millbury, Ma | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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