This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart and funny so just go with it (Girls -- Have a sense of humor!)
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every man on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.
Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on :
fantastic Curtis. Posted by Dale Feicke (Member # 767) on :
That was BAD, brother.....but it was goooddd!!
Posted by Donald Miner (Member # 6472) on :
Way to go Curtis!!!! I love every word of it. Got to remember that one, for sure.
Posted by William Holohan (Member # 2514) on :
So Curtis, you've made a New Years resolution to only attend all male meets????? Posted by Jillbeans (Member # 1912) on :
It was obviously written buy a guy who doesn't understand women. Do any men? I don't care at all about a man buying me jewels and would hate to take a man clothes shopping. Sometimes we DO just want to be held! I know it's a joke but it still kinda bugs me. As does the thought of a man expecting sex or a woman who witholds it like a big prize. Or a man thinking shopping is all women care about. Love....Jill
Posted by Janette Balogh (Member # 192) on :
Hey, she got a great lunch, and he won't be seeing much "action" in a good long while. hehe
Posted by Theresa Hoying (Member # 7330) on :
Well, I for one would rather stay in bed than go shopping! ha ha
Posted by Jillbeans (Member # 1912) on :
Me too! With a good book, of course! Love....Jill
Posted by Bruce Bowers (Member # 892) on :
Does the Kuma Sutra constitute good reading these days?
Posted by Neil D. Butler (Member # 661) on :
This is such nonsense! Everytime I make love to my wife I have at least 45 minutes of very intense forplay.... then I wake her up. Ok I go now.
Posted by Neil D. Butler (Member # 661) on :
To Much information? lol
Posted by Brad Farha (Member # 931) on :
No men understand women. We're not supposed to.
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on :
Anyone see the movie PS I Love You yet? (great girlie flick!!)
Quote:
guy - "I don't understand women! What do you people want?!?"
girl- "Come closer and I'll tell you..."
guy moves in closer, wondering, hoping, wishing...
girl whispers... "We have no idea what we want."
And there you have it. Goes both ways!
I LOVE shopping! (for tools, 50" flat screen tv, to die for furniture and accessories, new complete kitchen... )
[ January 07, 2008, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: Donna in BC ]
Posted by Alicia B. Jennings (Member # 1272) on :
A while back, while my Husband was watching the L.A.Lakers in the playoffs, I felt a lttle pushed out. I told him that if I was 20 years old standing naked in front of the TV that maybe he would pay attention to me. He said that if was 20 years old as well, he would also pay much more attention to me.
Posted by John Deaton (Member # 925) on :
Curtis, that was too cool! Im still laughing!
Posted by John Kurtzman (Member # 1736) on :
Alicia; Try re-arranging and posting a new message on your "Mudflaps". Sorry, not to be rude or disrespectfull, but the devil made me do it, smerk smerk.....
J.G.Kurtzman john@kurtzmansigns.com www.kurtzmansigns.com Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
HUSBANDS
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
'He's a funeral director,' she answered.
'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.
After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a > preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
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