AT NEW YORK's Kennedy airport today, an individual - later discovered to be a public school teacher - was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the U. S. Attorney General disclosed that he believes the man to be a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," he declared. "They seek average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to argue, there are three sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, the President stated, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has shown us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs, who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."
The President warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen, unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor in random facts of vertex."
The Attorney General concluded, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertain of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens."
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
Posted by Bill Modzel (Member # 22) on :
What I want to know is did they sine or cosine the arrest warrant?
[ March 25, 2005, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: Bill Modzel ]
Posted by Jim Upchurch (Member # 209) on :
Neither Bill. The agencies were not aware of each's presence so couldn't act coefficiently.
Posted by Bill Modzel (Member # 22) on :
Jim, You definatly have a more acute angle on things. I was probably thinking on another tangent.
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
I think the Al-gebra cult is a Derivative of the notorious Mexican "El-quesadilla" gang. This is based on an Irrational Number of Negative Exponents and, in the Lowest Terms, a Variable of El-kabong. The Rusultant arrest will Mean witholding the Identity of the Network until the Outcome of the trial or until they have Closure. The FBI believe that the perp was attempting to purchase Pascal's Triangle and was trying to Converge on a local airport but the Coordinate did not match up so they are thought to be Mutually Exclusive Events.
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
HA! But there's still a Bermuda Triangle!
And RICKY! What about hexagon shaped signs saying 'STOP' which I feel may be a covert sign-shape message for something else . . . since rarely are such signs actually obeyed...
In simplest mathematical terms... if you keep using + you eventually get too many which = >.
We need to - so as to = <.
Posted by Mark Yearwood (Member # 2723) on :
Four score and seven years ago.... Oh, wait. That's a different story....
Posted by Duncan Wilkie (Member # 132) on :
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....something here just doesn't add up.
Posted by Jeff Poitevint (Member # 4740) on :
Si,
You must be a professor of language (or math). You failed to mention polynomials in several variables and how to identify coefficients and degrees within an estimate. If you include that, they'll pay the price.
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